Hidden From the Light of Day

This is the time of year that runs long.  The excitement of holidays and resolutions is past, the hope of spring a far-off dream. The daylight hour is increasing, but the darkness still falls early.
Flowers are being fashioned in the quietness of the earth, hidden from the light of day.  Life is taking root, yet it remains unseen.
We watch + wait for the newness of spring.  Somedays though, it seems it might never come.
Just as nature reveals the mysterious work of life being formed in small, dark places, so does the work of suffering in our lives.  We marvel at a flower, remembering that its beauty began in a place of loneliness, tucked far beneath the dirt. But then, we forget this truth when we find ourselves in small, dark places, seemingly hidden from the light of day.  
The effects of suffering + grief on humans are well documented.  Fatigue, lack of desire, and an increase in emotional outbursts are expected when someone experiences a cutting loss. But pervasive loneliness? No one …

When The Darkness Lingers

We made the list while having dinner in New York City. It shows that we assumed ours would be a story of love + desire, white picket fences + trips to the sea.  It never occurred to us that a life together might look differently than what we dreamed up and wrote down. We were young + naive, but we didn't know that yet.

Careers.  Houses. Babies. Old friends. Relocations.  New friends.

We were on our way to checking off our list of wants + dreams.

But then came stretches of sorrow we never saw coming.

The unexpected death of a parent, then of a child.  The loss of a job.  A year of unemployment.  The laying down of a dream.  The sting of rejection.  The reordering of relationships.

None of those things were on the list.

We had to find a way to live with + through the sorrows.  We had to learn how to engage the range of feelings, thoughts and emotions that surface when the darkness lingers.  But like the stretches of sorrows, our responses to them were unforeseen.

The death of Joey is …